​I’m lost in the middle of nowhere on a freaking alien planet.

It’s as terrible as you can imagine. And I haven’t eaten in two days and it’s been raining in the wildlands. Lightning strikes overhead and thunder rumbles in the distance. I slip and fall in the mud. And then I just sit, crying.

There’s a blur in the distance. Is that a mirage? No, a deadly, satanic-looking male with a bare chest, huge black horns and a barbed tail races right for me. I scream as this monster looms overhead.

Is he here to kill me?

“I’ve got you, female,” he says with a deep, gentle tone. “I’m taking you to my ranch. I will protect and care for you.”

He scoops me into his massive arms and I faint.